Lettre à l’ex.

You never said a thing. Did not complain. I thought you were happy with what we had. And of course, you were not.
But instead of saying it out loud so we could work it out, you waited silently.
Then decided than we were no longer feeling it. And broke up.

That pissed me off.
Still does.

Obviously, that kind of story happens all the time. This failed relationship is just one among an infinity. I’m no different. Everybody’s pissed at being dumped. All the more when it’s for the wrong reasons.

So why am I blogging this ?
So I can find peace with myself. So I can move on, clear headed. Cause I’m not heartbroken. (This story was just beginning) I’m just bitter, disappointed, down and angered. No biggie, I’m taking my time to get back on my feet.

Let’s get back to the dumping part. Because it happened 3 weeks ago, the details are being a bit foggy. So I’m gonna make a pros and cons list. (As always, I should have blogged this a long ago)

Pros :

  • You tried to make it as painless as possible.
  • We weren’t looking for the same things, so basically, you made the right choice.
  • You ended it when it was still repairable : as of now, we still get along. Although it’s weird.

Now we get to the part where you screwed up.

  • There were signs that you were looking for a way out of this relationship. But when I asked, you denied. So instead of preparing me to the end of our journey, you made me believe that things were just fine.
  • You could have told me what was wrong. But you’d rather tell the story to your friends first.
  • I asked for arguments and reasons. You gave me a few. And although they did not satisfy me nor convince me, there was one thing that pissed me more : you had already given up on the idea of fixing things. You had already decided : “we” are over. You gave up.
  • Your timing was awful. Because you should’ve broken up weeks before. It wouldn’t have hurt me as it did. Cause I was getting more and more into you as you were getting distant. (I know, “the reasons of the heart”)

As I said earlier. Your choice of ending this relationship is good. I don’t think I would have fallen in love with you. I wanted to have fun. To share a part of my life and live in the moment.
On the other hand, you wanted to build something. You were looking for commitment, plans and a future.

Obviously we weren’t at the same place. At most, I wanted to build a present.

I enjoyed our time together and I wanted to see more, to see where it would lead us. I wanted to see boredom, disdain, deception before putting an end to our story.

In other words, I would have traded a more painful break-up for a more fulfilling romance.
As of now, I feel like I’m being scammed by a break-up that hurt me more than the happiness that our story brought me.
Which goes against my belief of “equivalent exchange” where one share of happiness becomes one share of sadness.
So I’m telling you : “You owe me some happiness Johanna.”


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